When you’re blending a family, discipline can quickly become the elephant in the room. Maybe you and your spouse come from completely different parenting styles, or you’re not sure how much authority you have as a stepparent. Whatever the case, disagreements about discipline can create tension that ripples through the entire family.

But here’s the good news: It’s possible to find common ground, even when it feels like you’re worlds apart. And when you do, the peace it brings to your home is worth every ounce of effort.

My “Why Do You Let Them Get Away With That?” Moment

Years ago, when my husband and I were newly blending, one of his kids did something that left me speechless. I won’t go into details (because kids deserve privacy), but let’s just say I was ready to lay down the law.

Instead, my husband shrugged it off. I was stunned. Didn't he see the problem? Didn’t he care? That night, we had a tense conversation where both of us felt unheard. It was then I realized we needed a plan—a shared understanding of how we’d handle discipline as a team.

Why Alignment Matters

Discipline disagreements don’t just affect your relationship; they affect the kids, too. Children thrive when they see their parents (and stepparents) as a united front. When you and your spouse are aligned, it creates consistency, which leads to stability.

So how do you get there when you see things differently?

Step 1: Understand Each Other’s Perspectives

Before you can agree on discipline, you have to understand where the other person is coming from. Maybe your spouse is lenient because they feel guilty about the divorce. Maybe you’re stricter because you want to teach responsibility.

When you approach the conversation with curiosity instead of criticism, it’s easier to find common ground.

Step 2: Define Your Non-Negotiables

Every family is different, but some rules should be universal—like treating others with respect or being honest. Sit down with your spouse and decide what values you want to instill in your family. Use these values as a guide for setting expectations.

Step 3: Embrace the Art of Flexibility

Blended families are complex. What works for one child might not work for another, and what worked in your first family might need tweaking now. Be willing to adapt and adjust as you go.

I remember the first time my husband and I agreed on a consequence for one of his kids. It wasn’t what I would’ve chosen, but I trusted him, and guess what? It worked.

Step 4: Communicate (Even When It’s Hard)

Some of the best advice I’ve ever received is to communicate proactively, not reactively. Instead of waiting until you’re frustrated, have regular check-ins with your spouse about how things are going.

Step 5: Lean on Faith

When disagreements feel overwhelming, take them to God. Pray together as a couple, asking for wisdom and unity. Faith has a way of softening hearts and opening minds.

Struggling to get on the same page? I'd love to help you out! Send me a message and let's chat.