It was our first Christmas as a blended family, and it felt more like a complicated board meeting than a celebration.

We had our kids, four sets of grandparents (not including those on our co-parent's side), and roughly one million expectations flying around the room. My husband wanted to keep his family’s Christmas morning tradition. My daughter and I had been used to Christmas mornings looking a certain way. I missed the family service project my family always does on Christmas Eve. The kids were split between homes and hearts, and I just wanted someone to hand me some chocolate and tell me it was all going to be okay.

But you know what we discovered?

We didn’t have to copy anyone else’s traditions. We could create our own.

If you're navigating the holidays as a stepmom (or in any form of blended family chaos), you probably feel this too: the weight of trying to make everyone happy while keeping your own heart from splintering in the process.

Let’s talk about how to create holiday memories that actually matter.

First: Let go of perfect

Perfection is a lie we tell ourselves when we’re afraid. It whispers, “If you just get it right, no one will feel left out. No one will criticize. No one will hurt.”

But blended family life isn’t about perfect. It’s about brave.

So this year, ditch the mental Pinterest board and ask yourself this instead: What do I want my kids to remember?

Traditions don’t have to be impressive to be meaningful.

In our house, one of the kids’ favorite traditions now is decorating a gingerbread house while blasting Christmas music and sipping hot cocoa. Simple. Silly. Zero pressure. But they love it because it’s ours.

Another tradition we have now is sending the kids on a scavenger hunt every Christmas morning to find a gift that’s been hidden for the whole family.

Second: Start small and build buy-in

You don’t need to overhaul your whole holiday routine overnight. In fact, one small new tradition can go a long way.

Want some ideas?

• Pick one night for matching jammies and a movie

• Bake something together, even if it’s just cookies from a mix

• Write a letter of appreciation to each child and tuck it in their stocking

If your stepkids are older or hesitant, involve them in the planning. Ask, “What would make this holiday feel special for you?” You might be surprised by their answers (and their willingness to try when they feel included).

Third: Honor what came before without recreating it

In a 'yours, mine, and ours' family like ours, everyone brings a story to the table. It’s okay to hold space for that. Maybe your stepchild loves pancakes at Dad’s house and Christmas tamales at Mom’s. Maybe your daughter misses the way Grandpa used to read the nativity story.

Don’t try to replace those memories. Honor them. Mention them. Smile at them. And then add a new chapter.

This is your family now. And you get to co-author the story.

Final thoughts: Memories that matter

The best traditions aren’t the fanciest…they’re the ones that make us feel seen, safe, and together. Whether it’s driving around to look at lights, going to a Christmas church service, or staying in pajamas all day… you’re building something beautiful.

Not perfect. Not conflict-free. But beautiful, brave, and uniquely yours.

Want help creating a calmer, more connected home this season?
Check out my tools, workshops, and coaching support at BlendingBravely.com/products.
Need a personal check-in? Schedule a personalized Family Dynamics Audit for just $37!
And let’s stay connected on Instagram: @itsmebrittneyp