Picture this: You’re at the dinner table, and your stepchild says something that feels like a jab. It’s probably not even a big deal, but suddenly, you’re boiling inside. Your heart races, and your mind starts replaying every time this has happened before. Sound familiar?
Triggers are like emotional landmines, especially in blended families. They catch us off guard, pull us into old patterns, and leave us feeling frustrated or ashamed. But here’s the truth: Triggers don’t have to control you.
One time, I snapped at my husband over what seemed like a minor parenting disagreement. Later, I realized I wasn’t upset about that moment—I was reacting to a pattern from my past. My first marriage had left me feeling unheard and undervalued, and my husband’s tone had unknowingly hit that nerve.
Triggers are often connected to deeper wounds. Recognizing them isn’t about blaming yourself; it’s about understanding yourself. What’s really fueling that reaction?
When you feel a trigger coming on, it’s easy to react instinctively. But one of the most powerful tools I’ve learned is to pause.
Take a deep breath.
Count to five.
Step away if you need to.
That pause creates space between the trigger and your response, giving you a chance to choose how you’ll react.
Sometimes, what triggers us isn’t about us at all—it’s about the other person’s experience. For example, if your stepchild is distant or dismissive, it might stem from their own feelings of loss or confusion about their changing family.
When you shift from “Why are they doing this to me?” to “What might they be feeling right now?” it changes everything. Empathy doesn’t excuse bad behavior, but it helps you respond with understanding instead of frustration.
Remember: Triggers are normal. They don’t mean you’re failing as a stepmom or that your blended family is doomed. They’re just signals—opportunities to grow, heal, and move forward.
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