Let’s be real, the holidays can bring out the best in Hallmark movies... and the worst in our emotional triggers. Add in ex-spouses, co-parenting schedules, complicated in-laws, and stepkids navigating multiple homes, and suddenly your cinnamon-scented dreams of connection are met with the unmistakable scent of cortisol.

I’ve been there.

As a mom in a “yours, mine, and ours” household, I’ve spent many Decembers walking the tightrope between wanting to create magical memories... and wanting to hide in my closet with a plate of cookies.

But here's the truth: you can have a meaningful, calm, and connected holiday season even if the ex is being difficult, the kids are struggling, and you’re running on peppermint-fueled fumes. The key is learning to manage your own triggers, first.

What Even Is a Trigger?

A trigger is just your nervous system saying, "Hey, this feels familiar and dangerous. Let's shut it down or freak out to stay safe."

It’s not weakness. It’s not drama. It’s your body doing its job.

So when your husband’s ex texts something passive-aggressive, or your stepchild gives you the cold shoulder at dinner, it’s totally normal to feel activated.

What matters is what you do next.

A Personal Example from My Life

I remember one year when we were all set to have the kids on Christmas Eve. Plans had been agreed to for weeks. And then? The ex changed the plan at the last minute. My husband was frustrated. I felt invisible. The kids were confused. And my brain went straight to:

"Why do I always come last?"

But instead of spiraling, I took a breath. I grabbed a mug of cocoa and stepped outside. I did a quick body scan (hello, somatic tools) and grounded myself by noticing five things I could see. I came back inside calmer, more centered, and better able to navigate a new plan with my husband instead of turning on him.

Was it perfect? Nope. Was it peaceful? Surprisingly, yes.

How to Work WITH Your Triggers, Not Against Them

Instead of trying to stuff down your feelings like a stocking on Christmas morning, try this:

• Notice: Call out what you’re feeling. "I feel anxious," "I feel dismissed," "I feel overwhelmed."

• Name the need underneath it. Maybe it’s safety, respect, belonging.

• Regulate first, respond later: Go for a walk, do 4-7-8 breathing, cry in your car if you need to. Just give your body what it needs to settle.

This isn’t about pretending to be fine. It’s about choosing peace on purpose.

What About When the Ex Really Is Being Extra?

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

You don’t need to be the peacekeeper or the fixer. You need to be the thermostat of your own nervous system. That might mean:

• Letting your partner respond to their ex.

• Saying, "I need to pause this conversation and come back to it."

• Repeating a mantra: *"I can stay calm even when others are not."

The holidays don’t have to be a battle. They can be an opportunity to model emotional maturity—to your kids, your partner, even yourself.

You’re Not Doing It Wrong...It’s Just Really Hard

If this season feels heavy, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human. You’re trying to love your people well in a situation that was never designed to be simple. That’s brave.

And you don’t have to do it alone.

Ready for more peace in your stepfamily life? Explore my products for calming tools and powerful resources, or book a personalized Family Dynamics Audit for just $37 to get tailored feedback you can use right away.

Or come say hi and laugh with me over on Instagram @itsmebrittneyp.