If I’m being honest, this year was a bit of a rollercoaster. Not the white-knuckle kind you regret getting on, but definitely the kind that leaves you breathless and reaching for snacks once you’re back on solid ground. As a mom in a blended family (a delightful mix of yours, mine, and ours), I’ve learned more in 12 months than I ever expected. Some lessons came gently. Others smacked me in the face like a wet pool noodle.

So, in the spirit of honesty, growth, and not taking ourselves too seriously, here are five lessons I learned as a stepmom this year that I hope help you feel a little more seen, a little more steady, and a lot less alone.

1. It’s not my job to fix everything.
This one stung.

Early this year, I caught myself wearing an invisible superhero cape—trying to make everyone feel better, smooth out all the tension, and micromanage every mood. (Spoiler: that didn’t go well.) I had to learn that loving well doesn’t mean rescuing. It means showing up with compassion and clear boundaries, then letting people have their own experiences.

When my stepson had a hard weekend, I used to spiral: Did I say the wrong thing? Should I have done more? Now, I remind myself: He’s allowed to have hard days. So am I. That shift has saved me so much energy and emotional bandwidth.

2. Clarity is kinder than passivity.
At some point, I realized I was expecting my husband to read my mind. (Poor guy.) I’d hint at needing more support or resentfully sigh when stepfamily dynamics felt unbalanced, but I wasn’t being clear. This year, I practiced saying things directly:

"When I feel unsupported around the house, it makes me want to shut down. Can we talk about what might help us both?"

Clear is kind. It’s not bossy. It’s brave. It’s also incredibly effective.

3. The kids don’t have to like me all the time, and that’s not rejection.
Oof. This was a hard pill to swallow.

My stepson and I have a good relationship overall, but we’ve had seasons where things felt cold, distant, or awkward. In the past, I’d panic. Now, I’ve learned to take the long view. Stepparenting is a marathon, not a sprint. I stay steady, loving, and available. Respect doesn’t always look like hugs and warm fuzzies...it often looks like consistency.

And when we had a breakthrough moment over pancakes one random Tuesday? Totally worth the wait.

4. My nervous system sets the tone.
This was the year I got serious about somatic regulation. Not just for my own peace, but because my energy spills into the whole house.

When I’m stressed and snappy, my kids mirror it. When I take three minutes to breathe, stretch, or step outside, things shift. Calm is contagious. (And no, it doesn’t mean I’m perfectly calm all the time. I’m still me.) But I’ve learned to lead my family better by leading myself first.

5. It’s okay to ask for help.
Whether it’s therapy, coaching, prayer, or texting a trusted friend, I’ve finally realized I don’t have to figure it all out alone. The myth of the “strong stepmom” who never breaks down? Not helpful. Not true.

I’m a woman of faith, a mom who deeply loves her family, and someone who sometimes needs a nap, a cry, or both. Asking for help doesn’t make me weak. It makes me wise.

Reflection is where real growth begins.

Looking back, I see how far we’ve come. Not because everything is perfect, but because we’re learning to walk through it together. If this post resonates with you, know this: you’re not behind. You’re becoming.

✨ Want a fresh start in your blended family? Check out my products and tools here or schedule your personalized Family Dynamics Audit for just $37. You can also come hang out with me on Instagram @itsmebrittneyp—real talk, encouragement, and awkward Reels guaranteed.